Chamber of Easement - Terms and Conditions

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A variety of tongue in cheek notices and otherwise that have adorned notice boards or err... chamber of easements to help pass the working day

1 - Thou shalt endeavour not to espy the member of another user of the chamber during micturary relief.

2 - If embarrassment should overtake thee while arriving at the urinal next to another fellow, then it is permissible to adopt the “visage of an unexpected poo” and retire to the privacy of an empty trap.

3 - While enjoying thy easement at the urinal, look not ye down too oft. There should be nary a glance askance lest thee be deemed a queer fellow indeed.

4 - Shouldst thou find to thy chagrin and gross misfortitude that there are floaters and / or significant splatterage arranged upon the porcelain bowl, so as to engender feelings that come ill well to a person of significance and consideration, then it is permissible to vacate forthwith and with utmost haste. This well understood and acceptable course of action has become a tradition ere these long years. There is no expectation upon a fellow to cause the stool of another to leave the chamber.

5 - It is most unseemly of a fellow to clamour loudly with discomfort or relief at the passage of significant obstructions or to proclaim to all the joy engendered by the approach (however welcome) of the ease afforded to him by the correct function of this chamber. Such unfettered exclamations could lead to fear of function by those unaccustomed to such roguish behaviour.

6 - Comestibles are not permitted in the chamber, nor shall there be trading of livestock or hawking of other goods or services.

7 - Fellows are encouraged to feel at ease of comfort as they would be ere they were resident in thy own chambers though it is acknowledged by the management that despite the efforts of the finest carvers of pvc, such comfort as afforded by thy own seat cannot be replicated elsewhere.

8 - Accidental petomanage during urinary easement should be avoided where possible. Shouldst this occur despite best efforts to the contrary, it is expected that all present should disregard the event as of no significance and suppress the tendency to giggle to a minimum.

Situation Vacant

A groom of the stool is sought by a gentleman of distinction and breeding.

Vegetarian diet, clean of habit and solid of stool.

Benefits to include the finest of soft tissue for own use and frequent but predictable working hours.